Critical Mass

Critical Mass. 5pm on the UT West Mall. Tomorrow. It's the beginning of a new semester so welcome the students back in style and wear something snappy. Or just bring water balloons. ;)

It's almost FRIIIIIIIIIIDAYYYYYY! Not only that, but it's almost the last Friday of the month! Y'all know what that means, right? It's time for CRITICAL MASS!

5:00pm on the UT West Mall THIS Friday is the time, place and date. As you can see from the post below the cops are not our friends, so PLEASE play nice with traffic and try not to raise their ire any more than is absolutely necessary. I know oftentimes our mere existence is treated as an affront to their ULTIMATE AUTHORITY, but what can you do? We don't need any more cyclists assaulted, tased or arrested.

Remember folks this event isn't just a ride, it's a party, protest, gathering, chill time, celebration, whatever the fuck you want it to be! Want the ride to go left? Take it left! Want the ride to go East side? LEAD. The ride can be as awesome or lame as you are.

Critical Mass. Bike Circus. A pack of self-righteous assholes. The best time ever. Call it what you will. It happens tomorrow at 5pm. UT West Mall. You know the drill. Be nice don't be mean.

Update: I'm an idiot! This happens TODAY (Monday), not last Friday. Read the next entry up to see what's happening...

Chris Hornsby let me know about a mass protest happening in about a dozen cities today coinciding with those cities Critical Mass rides. Here are the details on the protest, as well as where all this is going on:

Well what do you know, it's almost the LAST Friday of the month! Y'all know what that means, right? CRITICAL MASS!!! As of last month a crew of long-time riders have been mixing it up, trying to bring the ride back to its' roots as a rocking, rolling, ridiculous costume party on as many wheels as you can power by your own bad self. We saw costumes, instruments, about half a dozen bike/backpack stereos kids in basket bikes, tall bikes, LOTS of confetti, it was seriously the best Critical Mass ride we've had in forever and I expect it to only get better as the summer encroaches on this pleasant couple weeks known as "Spring". Here's what the people with the Facebook event have to say about things:

We will call this the friendlier Critical Mass. Please leave behind the bad attitudes, and feel free to don a crazy ass costume. Let's make this a rolling party so awesome it will make the people in cars during rush hour wish they were having as much fun as we are... I want to see all the tall bikes, boneshakers, and your most creatively festooned bike. If you feel the need to cover your bike in leopard print fur more power to you ;)

YES. THIS is what I love about Critical Mass. See you kiddos there. 5pm on the UT West Mall, this Friday. But seriously folks, unlike the MAJORITY of traffic on the streets at 5:30pm on a Friday, we're there to have FUN! Is a car hassling you? Then just follow Jessica's advice on dealing with the issue:

Y'all behave like the good little cyclists I know. That means be on your best behaviour: if a car has a problem with you, show them your tits. I'm sure it will make their day that much better.

PERFECT advice, and I can't imagine such an act NOT defusing any stress or hassle we may encounter on our travels. TIT POWER! CRITICAL MASS! BE THERE!

Oh and be sure to wear something loose, because there's a Booty Bounce event after the ride... awwwwwwww yeah.

Being all about AUSTIN TEXAS Bike Shit I rarely follow or post news or information from outside the biggest star in the Lone Star State, but this video from Budapest is nothing short of inspiring and I couldn't NOT share it with y'all:

Plus, who doesn't love Gnarls Barkley? Now I know their Critical Mass event only happens twice a year (in the spring and again in the fall) but look at the size and scope of this gathering. They estimate that 35,000 people showed up for this spring's event, which is about 4.6% of Austin's 2008 population, not inluding suburbs or outlying cities within the same metro area. Currently it's estimated that only about .96% of that population (about 7,300 people) commutes by bicycle, but according to the City's Bicycle Plan update they're hoping to raise that number to 2% of the population in the next 5 years, and 5% of the population in the next 10. That means that in 2020 if the city completely stopped growing today (not gonna happen), the City of Austin wants to see almost 38,000 cyclists riding to and from work every day. What you see above is approximately 3000 people less than this. Think about that for a second.

Maybe that video isn't too far away. It might feature us, or it might feature our younger siblings, cousins, children, but it WILL happen. Events like this practically guarantee it in my mind. But then I'm crazy, so take that with a large grain of salt.

Thanks to Joe, Jeremiah, and lots of other people with similar visions, it looks like this month's Critical Mass ride is going to be a little different...

We will call this the friendlier Critical Mass. Please leave behind the bad attitudes, and feel free to don a crazy ass costume. Let's make this a rolling party so awesome it will make the people in cars during rush hour wish they were having as much fun as we are... I want to see all the tall bikes, boneshakers, and your most creatively festooned bike. If you feel the need to cover your bike in leopard print fur more power to you ;)

I've heard shit about squirt guns, clown outfits, tall bikes, pirates, music bikes, and even 20 POUNDS of confetti. Prepare for awesome. 5pm. UT West Mall. Be a part of the BIKE CIRCUS!

So this Friday is that ride. Yeah, you know the one. Critical Mass. I've got a lot of shit to say regarding Critical Mass, but fuck it. Here's what a pirate has to say instead:

So FUCK what happened on critical mass last month! I wasn't there. Was anyone even wearing a silly costume? Let's have a freaky bike parade this Friday at 5 pm starting at the west mall of UT campus. Lets see some stereos, costumes, tall bikes, kids bikes, kiddy tall bikes, streamers, silly hats, what else you got?

Leave your LAME PROTEST at home or leave 5 minutes before us. I want my CRITICAL MASS PARADE back. If you don't want to protest or try to mess with cars, come ride with me and my cool friends. Let the kids who want to race through traffic and cause havoc go on their own stupid protest. I want to wait at red lights for the pack to "MASS UP". I'm not trying to say we need to follow every law to the t. Just don't be a dick. I love riding in one lane, because cars have to pass an insanely long line of bicycles. Seriously try letting them pass us and make them watch the whole damn parade. That's a whole lot cooler than a car behind us seeing the back 30 cyclists in their way.

And to all of my jerk friends who don't come on critical mass anymore because its to aggressive, come out and try the parade version. If we don't have reasonable cyclists like you to keep the crowd in check you are going to leave one lonely pirate trying to help a whole damn mob. If you come out and tell people to stop being an ass when they are being an ass, we can have our fun bike event back and stop having guns pulled on us.

Thanks Joe, couldn't have said it better myself. 5pm, UT West Mall, this Friday. Bring a party, and leave that chip on your shoulder.

While my email was on the fritz I received 2 requests for more information, one from a cyclist who was involved in the incident, and another from the police themselves. Here they are:

Care about crazed drivers running down bicycles and pulling guns? Here's a chance to make a difference. If you witnessed anything in the Critical Mass incident involving Timothy Swift, the Austin Police Department wants to hear from you. You can reach Detective King at (512)974-6293 . I went in and gave testimony, and Detective King needs more if they're going to pursue a case against Tim Swift. If you don't take the < hour to contribute, you lose your right to complain about crazed drivers for the rest of your bicycling life.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
April 7, 2010

Contact: Public Information Office, 974-5017
North Bureau Detective Unit seeks the Public’s Assistance
Case: 10-0851824
Date: Friday, March 26, 2010
Time: 5:30 p.m.
Location: West 5th Street and Lavaca Street
Narrative:

On Friday, March 26, 2010, Austin Police Officers responded to a disturbance at the intersection of West 5th Street and Lavaca Street. The verbal and physical disturbance was between a male in a dark colored pick up truck and a large group of bicyclists.

The North Bureau detective unit is seeking the public’s assistance in this matter. Detectives are specifically looking for anyone who has first hand knowledge of the disturbance, photos and/or videos.

Anyone with information about this event is asked to contact the North Bureau Detective unit 512-974-5320.

If you were involved in the incident or witnessed the incident and feel that your input would assist the police in bringing resolution to the case, please call the aforementioned phone numbers and give a statement. Like our cyclist friend said it takes less than an hour (~20 minutes last time I gave a statement on something) so please take the time out of your busy schedule and help make sure justice is served.

The story was not long on actual quotes from the involved parties, but it was also rather short on condescension and anti-cyclist comments. There's a lot of video footage from my old 2006-2007 CM youtube flicks to fill it out, and a bunch of you older riders might recognize yourselves:

They also used a bunch of pictures directly taken from the site and kept my "MOMMY'S TEXAS-SIZED TRUKKK" underneath one of them. Good shit.

Look guys, you were in the news! Thanks for taking the time to actually talk to them Nikol. Though they hacked up what you said it didn't sound bad.